Tuesday, 17 June 2008


Way back in 1967 when I first discovers that holding a girl’s hand can sent tingles up your spine, I have never had any negative opinions about prostitutes. By the way, the above occasion was my first date at the Rex Theatre, Singapore watching the hindustani movie Bramachari with …… heck! I can’t remember her name. And yes, back then I already knew that there are women who are willing to sell their bodies for cash. How does a Form 2 boy knew about ladies of the night? I read a lot and watch a lot of movies, ok!!

Today, forty-one years later, I am becoming a prostitute. Not a gigolo because I can never be one even if I wanted to. I’m vertically challenged in both the height and looks department and no 6 pack abs to boast. Coupled with the fact that I am prone to asthma attacks if I exert myself, which sane Mak Datin or rich single professional woman would want to hire me to keep her company for the night. Unless she’s bananas of course. Then again I always carry with me my trusted Ventolin Inhaler. Who knows, I might get lucky one of this days.

I am due for my compulsory retirement on 1 February 2009. When the government announced that malaysian government servants can retire at the age of 58, I am left with two options. Retire gracefully when the time comes or sign on for duties in purgatory until I’m 58. I have not declared my options yet cause I am still hoping that some good samaritan business organisation could offer me a position as Head Jaga. But time is running short. I have to make known my choice by the 21st of June. Ho! Boy. What choice do I have. The malays would say it’s a telan mati mak, diluah mati bapak situation or as the matsalleh in me would pronounce, it’s a Hobson Choice. Damned if you do damned if you don’t.

What does becoming a prostitue has to do with choosing to retire at 56 or 58. A lot. The price of petrol was recently hiked to RM 2.70 a litre, one of the most expensive amongst the petroleum producing countries. Electricity tariff is going up in July and much earlier, my kampit of rice has also gone up. Very very soon the price of goods in malaysia is going to go sky-high but thank god, Pak Lah’s government is in the process of implementing programs to help the needy like buying a private Boeing for himself. In the mean time, we still have to live, eat, make love, sleep, wake up, eat and we go on repeating the same cycle day after day while our gaji remains the same day after day after day. Unless the government allows us to kowtim a little bit on the side while waiting for the price of petrol to plummet.

I have been waiting for that elusive phone calls that will alllow me to drap my my blue uniform onto a scare crow and then go entertain my kakis in a karaoke lounge and have an underage GRO (Gatal Relation Officer) sit on my lap without the need to first ask for permission from the police department. I am still waiting for that one phone call and time is running out. By the look of things, I have to sign on the dotted line and pakai my uniform polis for the next two years. What choice do I have ma? Stomach got to fill, water and electric bill have to pay also. Some more, I like to tengok wayang and buy kuachi. What to do. Work until die loh!!!

Why do a woman sell her body. For money. Does any woman who becomes a prostitute believed in her work. You tell me. Does any right thinking woman choose on purpose to become a prostitute. Unless she’s one g-string short of becoming naked.

I used to believe in my work as a policeman. Not any longer. Do I sincerely want to continue as a policeman. After witnessing what PDRM is like, no, thank you very much. If that is the case, why am I signing for another 2 years of heartache. For the money lah stupid, what else. AM I NOT A PROSTITUTE THEN?

Any body out there want to hire me for a good time. Ladies only please. I may not be that sad because of the new petrol price but I am certaintly not gay.


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