THE PUSH & PULL FACTOR OF STRAYING HUSBANDS

For this post, I’m going to veer away from my usual comments and observations of the chicanery going on in the government and the Royal Malaysia Police. I have been writing and giving my two cents worth of comments about both entities for longer time than I care to think of, but in the end, what happens? The Barisan Nasional gets to run the government. The people get robbed of their hard-earned money and we are fed one lie after another by government spin doctors packaging such blatant robberies as development projects for the benefit of the common men, women and children. Of course Iskandar Malaysia or for that matter any of the Economic Corridors opened by Pak Lah in various parts of the country opens doors to economic benefits. But who’s economic benefits. The well connected will build empires while the sons and daughters of parents whose land has been “appropriated” will become slaves serving the business empires of sons and daughters of millionaire politicians.

Ooopps! I better get back on track. I am not supposed to offer my views on those two organizations for this posting. Remember?

I will have been married for the last 28 years comes 27 June 2008. Neither a devil or an angel, there have been many temptations of the flesh along the way. Did I succumb to it. What do you think?

Why Are Men Always At Fault?

Hearing women talks, gossips and readings of the various aunt agony’s columns in newspapers and magazines, it is always the men who are at fault whenever a relationship fails. We exploit women for our sexual needs, we discard them when they grow old and haggard, we treat women like playthings, etc, etc. But have the ladies ever thought for once that maybe you are the one who place yourself into such situations and predicaments. That wives are the ones pushing their husbands into infidelity and keeping a mistress or two on the side.

There’s a Japanese engineer languishing in our jail right now, who was given a life sentence a few years back for rape and attempted murder of one of his factory staff. I remember the evidence given in court by staff of the hotel where the rape occurs. The engineer and his female companion were seen entering the hotel together, they went to the hotel’s lounge together, they got drunk together, they enter the hotel’s lift together and they enter one of the hotel rooms together. The woman claimed she was raped.

Who’s fault is that. A woman and a man together in a hotel room. What do you expect the poor man to do. Just look and smile at her and then read the papers. You must be joking. Unless he is an eunuch and she is a gorgon, the inevitable normally happens. OK, the rough sex that almost leads to her death may be a little bit too much. I know that women interest groups expects a guy to behave decently under trying circumstances. Like when a woman dresses provocatively, talks and moves suggestively. I too expect that high a standard of myself. Like asking a woman to dress up when she is seriously trying to dress down and drag along my last ounce of resistance to hell. But believing that all men will behave as you want them to behave when alone together with a woman in a romantic and hormone charged environment is like wanting to believe that a leopard can changed it’s spot or that George Bush will become a saint. I have an experiment that you can carry out. The next time you go to a zoo, go jump into the crocodile pond or lions enclosure. If nothing happens to you (but cannot pakai charms ahhh! or tangkal), then I’m talking cock (can use ah! this word).

I might not have the heights, the cash or the charms of a casanova but there are times when I know I don’t have to do anything to convince a woman to marry me. Malay man can marry 4 what. No thank you, because what I have at home in the form of my wife can match what is on offer outside inch for inch and pound for pound of female companionship. Every time a woman interest me, I asked myself this question. What has she got that my wife doesn’t have? That is my key for 28 years of happy marriage.

I remember a collegue of mine who was together with me accompanying some Indonesian police officers who were part of a personnel exchange program between POLRI and PDRM. As part of the host hospitality we were brought to a club where you can choose the woman of your choice to accompany you for some recreational activities of a sexual nature. The good guys that we are, myself and an Indonesian officer decides not to join in the fun (men like us are a dying breed). The woman my colleague choose, measure 4 in a beauty scale of 10 but his wife measures 8 on the same scale. Curious, on our way back home, I asked him why he bothers with that Thai girl while his wife is more attractive and of a similar age. The answer. Service sir, we don’t just screws, we take a bath together and she message me first before we hit the bed, my wife don’t do that at home. See what I mean ladies. Can’t you do that at home. Take a bath together with your husband. Pleeasse… don’t give me the children are at home excuse.

A friend of mine likes to go to a karaoke joint near the housing estate where we stay. After a few outings I got sick of the cold, the cigarette smoke and the croaking voice of wannabe singers. I posed a question. You have got a good karaoke system in the house. Your children are grown ups. Can’t you just sing at home, I asked. Yes, he says, but the atmosphere is different. At the karaoke lounge, I have woman sitting on my lap while I sing. Trying to get my wife to sit on my lap while I sing P.Ramlee numbers, my wife said I was a crazy old coot. Ladies, what you can’t provide at home, your man will find it outside.

Push & Pull

These are just two of the hundreds of personal observations I have made of my friends and mostly colleagues who have either decided to have a second wife or looks for alternate bed companions outside of marriage. It is from this observations that I have come out with the pull and push factor of why men goes for another woman despite having a healthy attractive wife at home. If the pull factor outside is acerbated by the push factor at home, then he will spent his time outside the home. The pull factor at home must always be on par if not higher than the pull factor outside.

The prophet Mohammad s.a.w. on being asked by his daughter Siti Fatimah on who is the perfect housewife was asked to visit a certain woman. She did so. In spite of being told that she, Fatimah, is the prophet’s daughter, Fatimah was not allowed to enter the house as she (the woman) has not been given permission by the husband to allow even the prophet’s daughter to enter the house. Fatimah was asked to return the next day after permission has been given. Fatimah returned the next day but this time with Hassan, the prophet’s grandson. Yes, you Fatimah may enter, said the woman, but not Hassan as my husband’s permission is only for you to enter the house. Please returned the next day when I have got permission for both of you to come in. Siti Fatimah returned again but this time with Hussein, another of the prophet’s grandson in tow. Yes, you and Hassan may enter but not Hussein as I have only obtained permission for you and Hassan to enter our house said the woman. If you really want to see me please come again tomorrow when I have gotten permission for all three of you to enter the house.

The very next day Fatimah returned to the woman’s house, confident that this time there will be no hitches. Unfortunately this time the woman’s husband arrived home. She asked Siti Fatimah, Hassan and Hussein to wait outside, she immediately went into the house, stripped naked, holds a cane in her hand and eagerly waits for her husband. On seeing the woman again, Siti Fatimah questions her on her actions. “When my husband came home from a long and tiring journey, it’s my duty to please him and clear his mind of worldly cares, that’s why I stripped naked. The cane is for him to cane me if he’s unhappy with me. I won’t go at length on this anecdote but leave it to you ladies to ponder on it’s hidden meaning. But let me warned you. If you interpret this anecdote from the western oriented feminist viewpoint, you’ll miss the point. If the female gwailo are so smart why are there so many divorces in gwailo country.

Is my marriage that great, is my wife that wonderful. NO, my marriage has it’s ups and down, my wife at times riles me. But the important thing is this. For the last 28 years there’s nothing outside, that my wife cannot provide at home. So why seek pleasure outside marriage and risk eternity in hell when you can have a great time inside marriage and score brownie points for time in heaven.

P/S. Ladies, I agree that sex is not the end all in ensuring a good marriage but try imagining a well laid out dinner, excellent food served on the best china ware with silver cutlery, attentive waiters, good company and in a romantic and beautiful ambience but minus the salt. Is that going to be a memorable dinner?

Enough said. Byeeeee!!