Tuesday 28 June 2011

HARIMAU KERTAS

Menteri Pertahanan menjelaskan di parlimen bahawa Tentera Udara Republic Singapura (RSAF) telah menceroboh ruang udara Malaysia sebanyak 2,508 kali sejak tahun 2008. Tahun 2008 purata pencerobohan sebulan oleh RSAF ialah 164 kali, tahun 2009 - 107 kali, 2010 - 18 kali. Untuk tempoh Januari hingga May 2011 sahaja sebanyak 19 pencerobohan telah dilakukan oleh RSAF. Ini bermakna untuk 5 bulan pertama tahun ini sahaja, kedaulatan Malaysia telah dicabul purata 4 kali sebulan oleh RSAF. Bermakna jika Lee Hsien Loong berniat jahat atau ada pilot RSAF yang menjadi ahli Al Qaedah versi Cina, dah banyak bandar di Malaysia bersepai kena bom.

Sikap Malaysia yang diam membisu apabila punggung kena tala amat membingungkan. Tak ada sebiji jet pejuang canggih Malaysia pun yang discramble untuk sekurang-kurangnya memberi peringatan kepada Singapura, bahawa kita juga ada taring dan kuku. Mana pergi kita punya “forward air defence radar” yang sepatutnya dapat mengesan jet pejuang mereka semasa take off lagi. Tidak adakah jet-jet pejuang yang meronda ruang udara kita sehingga dengan senang negara jiran yang bilangan rakyatnya hanya setengah jumlah penduduk Kuala Lumpur sahaja boleh lodeh seluar dan tunjuk pungkok depa kat kita. Khairy Jamaluddin memberitahu Parlimen bahawa sikap Malaysia jauh berbeza dengan Republik tersebut yang akan melancarkan jet pejuang mereka untuk membayangi jet pejuang kita dari take-off lagi.

Sebagai rakyat yang tidak terdedah kepada rahsia-rahsia kerajaan, saya hanya boleh membuat andaian pak pandir bahawa pertahanan udara kita gagal berfungsi kerana kebarangkalian berikut:-

1. General Udara TUDM kena tunggu arahan daripada Cabinet dulu sebelum scramble jet kita kerana kerajaan nak jaga hati Singapura (takut Singapura tarik balik pelaburan di Wilayah Iskandar).

2. Petrol untuk jet pejuang kita dicatu kerana dah naik harga sebab subsidi kerajaan ditarik balik.

3. Jet pejuang kita banyak rosak dan kerajaan tak cukup duit nak beli spare-parts kapalterbang.

5. Jets dan pilot TUDM standby untuk angkut VVIP.

6. Jet canggih kita tidak boleh terbang kerana enjin kena curi.

7. Pemimpin jantan negara kita got no balls.

Sebelum berlalu, terlintas dalam kepala saya. Kita beli kelengkapan pertahanan yang canggih-manggih, mahal bebenor pulak tu, untuk tujuan ape ye? Untuk mempertahankan maruah negara, untuk tayang kat dunia macam orang pompuan tayang pinggan pyrex dalam gerobok kaca atau untuk membolehkan puak tertentu dapat komisen?

Hingga jumpa lagi, kalau jet TUDM tak upaya nak terbang, apa kata kita gunakan 2 bji kapal selam Scorpene kita yang ada untuk jaga kedaulatan ruang udara dan laut Malaysia. Kalau jet Singapura melintas aje, Scorpene TLDM akan timbul dan bagi amaran melalui loud hailer.

“Anda telah menceroboh ruang udara Malaysia berdaulat. Sila tinggalkan tempat ini. Jika tidak, kami tembak dengan senjata Oerlikon ship to air dan kalau masih degil selepas kiraan 3, kami tembak anda dengan peluru berpandu laut ke udara”. Kalau RSAF degil juga, kita lancarkan peluru berpandu tapi pakai peluru berpandu kapor aje atau peluru kapor kata tentera darat. Bunyi kuat tapi gigit takde.

Byeee! hingga episod berikutnya..

Wednesday 22 June 2011

MUSLIM BUT NOT ISLAM

The oft repeated accusations that the west has demonised Islam is not new. It is only of late that I realised, it was the muslims themselves (at least the majority of us) who had actually perpetuated that myth by their words and action. How do you convinced non muslims that Islam is a way of life when the non muslim Japanese are more discipline and courteous than the muslim Arabs. How do you tell the non believers that Islam is not a religion of the sword if suicide bombers kills innocent civilians when Islam itself teaches that you don’t kill non combatants in war.

Witness Saidina Hamzah, a muslim leader and general, who stayed his sword from severing the head of an enemy who has fallen from his horse. When asked why he did not strike when the opportunity is there, Saidina Hamzah replied, “When we were fighting on horseback, I was fighting for Islam. When I wanted to strike you when you were down, it was out of anger. That is not the way of Islam”.

My non muslim colleagues were taken aback and slightly confused when I told them that muslims and Islam are not the same. A muslim is not neccesarily islamic. That you cannot learn about Islam by looking at muslims. Dr.Ahmad Deedat, the late South African muslim preacher once famously said that he finds “a lot of Islam in Europe but very little muslims and a lot of muslims in the Arab states but very little Islam”. The same can be said of Malaysia, a supposedly muslim run if not an islamic country.

I hope my Christian friends don’t take offence but Islam is on the way of becoming like Christianity is today, a religion of rituals but not practice. Islam is fast becoming a “do this don’t do that, if you do that, you will go to hell” religion and not a religion that teaches you to look after the welfare of your neighbour irregardless if your neighbour is a jew, a christian, a hindu or even an atheist. Yes, Islam has it’s do and don’t but it is not the end all of being a muslim. Islam is about living your life as Allah ordained, it should be lived. The muslim way of life is described abundantly in the Holy Quran and exemplified in the manners, speech, behaviour and character of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. The problem is that muslims today has failed to look beyond the do’s and don’t aspect of Islam. If muslims themselves do not exhibit the beauty and righteouness of Islam in their private and personal life, how in heaven do you expect the non muslims to believe in Islam.

I have said it once and I will say it again ... and again .... and again. Islam is all about how you live your life in accordance with Allah’s commands and not simply parroting the do’s and the don’ts. There is a great difference in not screwing outside of marriage because it is a sin and understanding the concept and essence of why illicit sex is forbidden in Islam.

My friends say, if there is no traffic policeman, drive like a bat out of hell lah. Policeman no catch, no saman what! The goondo that I am, I still drive between 110 to 120 kph on the highway even when the nearest speed trap is a 100 km away. I chose to drive within the speed limit, not because I am afraid of the law but because I know, 110 kph is the optimum driving speed. Drive faster, petrol consumption, wear & tear and the danger of a mishap increases. Drive slower, danger of a mishap, petrol consumption and wear & tear lessens but time taken to reach your destination increases. That’s the difference between not doing something because the law says so and not doing it because you understand the concept behind the prohibition.

Once in Warick, UK, an old englishman was waiting for the bus during a slight drizzle. A young englishman wearing a raincoat walks past. On seeing the 60+ years old man, the young man walks over to the other englishman, takes off his (young man) raincoat to cover the old englishman and walks away. The old man ran after the youth to asked him, “Why are you doing this when we are complete strangers?” The answer was simple, “Because I am a muslim”. That is Islam.

The very next day, the old gentleman, converted to Islam.

Until we meet again, a bit of advice from Uncle B to all the non muslim girls out there. Believe in Islam first, convert, then look for an islam practising muslim man to be your husband and not the other way round, fall in love with a muslim man first and then convert to Islam to get married. Don’t become a muslim to get sex but become one because it is you.

Salam.

Sunday 19 June 2011

CERITA MENTERI, KETUA POLIS DAN POLIS PENCEN

Menteri Pelancongan dan para cerpenis kementerian berkenaan sekarang ini sedang bertungkus lumus menyediakan skrip cerita yang termasuk dek akal macam mana duit rakyat sebanyak RM 1.8 juta boleh dibelanjakan untuk membangunkan 6 muka surat facebook bagi mempromosikan Malaysia sebagai satu destinasi pelancongan. Peliknya, anak Uncle, berkeping-keping muka surat Facebooknya tetapi satu sen pun tak keluar duit kecuali Uncle yang terpaksa bayar RM82 sebulan untuk broadbandnya.

Tak tahulah apa cerita sebenarnya pasal 6 muka surat Facebook yang bernilai RM 1.8 juta ini tetapi Uncle pasti satu jawapan yang sedap didengar tetapi pelik akan dibentangkan di parlimen nanti. Dan sebagaimana peguam V.K.Lingam, semua orang BN dan melayu luar bandar, akan angguk-angguk kepala dan berbunyi, “correct, correct, correct,” atau seperti Upin & Ipin, “betul, betul, betul”. Kemudian esok atau lusa, subsidi akan ditarik balik lagi kerana kerajaan tak ada duit untuk urus negara sebab dah dipunahkan untuk promosi dalam Facebook, Friendster, Twitter dan ape kejadahnya lagi soSIAL media internet yang ada.

Menyebut tentang sosial media internet ni, teringat pulak arahan kerajaan kepada MCMC supaya sekat 10 file-sharing websites yang membolehkan rakyat malaysia download movie terkini daripada internet. Of course lah issue hak harta intelek akan timbul jika movie, lagu dan benda-benda lain boleh dimuat turun dari internet. Cuma otak conspiracy theorist saya ini tertanya-tanya. Adakah ikhlas untuk lindungi hak harta intelek pengkarya tempatan atau sebenarnya untuk lindungi tuan punya kilang DVD cetak rompak. Ingat betul-betul, saya sebut tuan punya kilang, bukan penjual DVD cetak rompak sebab yang selalu kena tangkap dik penguatkuasa, jika pun serbuan dibuat ialah budak-budak yang jual DVD lanun di kaki-lima, bukan tauke kilangnya. Kalau dah semua orang boleh download pilem omputeh baru dari internet, siapa yang nak beli DVD lanun nanti dan kalau tauke kilang DVD haram gulong tikar, siapa pulak nak sponsor partai politik masa kempen pilihanraya umum nanti?

Closer to my heart, adalah pemerhatian dari Uncle. Bagaimana kalau kita orang kecik aje (bukan fisikal tapi status), sebesar mana sekali pun perkara yang berlaku pada kita, orang tak pandang pun tetapi kalau perkara yang paling kecil sekali pun berlaku pada orang berstatus, akan jadi bahan berita.

Ketua Polis Pulau Pinang, Deputi Commissioner Polis Datuk Ayub Yaakob, adalah squad mate saya (sama-sama menjalani latihan asas inspektor pada tahun 1977). Dia orang besar PDRM dan Pulau Pinang, saya pesara polis yang tak dijemput pun untuk jadi pengarah syarikat kerana bersara pangkat kecik. Saya masuk hospital 2 minggu kerana pembedahan appendix yang hampir pecah masa pangkat ASP dulu, seekor pun rakan polis tak menjengah tetapi apabila Datuk Ayob jatuh lubang kat Hospital Penang, jadi bahan berita. “Penang’s top cop falls into a manhole”, kata The Star 18 Jun 2011 di muka surat 3. Kesian aku.

Hingga jumpa lagi, salam sedih dari Uncle B, yang apa pun masih boleh tersenyum kerana dikurniakan Allah, kesihatan, isteri yang masih setia bersama sejak 31 tahun yang lalu dan seorang cucu yang masih lagi tidur bersama kami sehingga menyukarkan atuk dan nenek nak projek .

Byeeee!!!!!

Wednesday 15 June 2011

THE SAME OLD ISSUES

Secretly, I have been praying and hoping that the Royal Malaysia Police which I have been a part of for 34 years of my life will be on a path of redemption the moment I leave the force. After all the Force is rid of one bad influence the moment I became a civilian. Alas, that is not to be.

Six months in the private sector, in a department that has got to deal with the police force from time to time, seems to reinforce my belief that nothing much has changed in the force. The ancient complaints of pushing complainant from one police station to another just to make a simple police report, under classifying & slipshod investigations, people unfriendly policemen & women, at times brodering on arrogance and rudeness, is still there just like the times when I joined the force in 1977. Most of all, wouldn’t it be just nice if today, corruption is antipathy to all in PDRM. After all, the last IGP and the present one are known as straight guys, right?

I met up with a former colleague of mine, who is now in one of the two so called gold mine of a police department in the force, the other day for lunch. His outpouring of frustrations at how difficult it is to conduct operations when such information are compromised, clearly shows that things has not changed much in the police force. Better at hiding it, maybe, but clearly not on the righteous path. How can it be, when police organised golf tournaments, still looks around for sponsorships, either from legal or status unknown business entities. It may look ok in asking for sponsorship but isn’t sponsorships a percursor to corruption? Because it is such, that the former IGP has forbidden soliciting for donations when organising any police related events. Surprisingly when junior police officers organised events, the ruling is enfored but when golf tournaments are planned, the ruling is suspended. Double standards maybe?

On the marital homefront, Selangor housewives are up in arms against massage centers and reflexology outlets that offer more than your innocent body rub, so says the Star of 14 June 2011. Then there is the news that some women NGOs (as expected) and some men (surprised!) takes offense at the formation of the Obedient Wives Club. Aiyoo! Like that also, so kepoh one!

I have been married for 31 years. Has never bothered or see the need to go to a massage parlour. Why? Because my wife gives me a more than better massage service at home. And what’s wrong with my wife always listening to me, although at times I do wish she would gave me some counter advice. Touch wood, our lives together in holy matrimony, has been a good one because although there are some flare-ups in between, we listen to each other and gave each other a rub down before and/or after a session of wink!, wink! So why look outside when all you ever need is available at home.

I am no marriage guru but the way I look at it, there is always the pull and push factor in any marriage. A lousy homelife (interpret it anyway you want) is a push factor while a “beautiful” homelife is the pull factor. Outside of the house, an alluring and seductive woman who is willing to go all the way in whatever you do together (again, interpret it anyway you want) is the pull factor. So it is always a battle between who has got the stronger pull. The Mrs or the Other Woman. A weak pull factor plush a strong push factor at home will definitely pull the man of the house in search of a body rub or whatever body parts that requires a rubbing, outside.

A friend of mine, when asked why he indulges in sponsored sexual services when available (policeman mah, everything wants free), answered. “Because of the services she provided which I did not get at home”. In response to my query, “What services are you talking about?”. “We had a bath together and she massage me first before we had sex”, was the reply. Good Lord, if a wife cannot provide those simple comforts, who then?

Another friend, when asked why he is thinking about getting Mrs No.2, replied “I do not know where my formerly voluptous and seductive wife has gone to. What I see now is a plumb woman who is happier sleeping than romping in bed”.

So, there you are ladies, before you banned the Obedient Wives Club and burned down all the massage centers and reflexology outlets, asked yourself. What is it that the other woman can provide outside, that I cannot provide at home, as a lawfully wedded wife.

Ta! Ta! From Uncle B and the Mrs, who, although we are in the late (me) and early (mrs) fifties, still sleep together naked under the blankets when the moon is up.

Awwoooooooo!!!!!!

Monday 13 June 2011

NEGERI ORANG NEGERI KITA

Saya di Bali, Indonesia dari 4 Jun hingga 7 Jun 2011 bersama isteri, cucu, adik No.4, Noruddin, isterinya dan anak lelaki mereka. Bersama ialah ibu kami yang berumur 80 tahun. Dengan rezeki yang dikurniakan Allah, syukur Alhamdullillah, saya adik beradik dapat juga sekali sekali melancong ke luar negara, sama ada bersendirian bersama keluarga masing-masing atau bersama 2-3 orang adik beradik yang lain. Dan setiap kali kami melancong, ibu akan ikut sama. Dalam diam ibu telah dapat melawat Beijing, Korea Selatan, Bandung, Jakarta, Chiang Mai dan latest ke Bali. Malangnya ayah tidak dapat bersama, kerana telah meninggalkan kami selamanya pada 23 Disember 2003, sebelum sempat kami berduit sedikit untuk holiday jauh dari Malaysia.

Ibu, kami bawa bersama kerana kami terfikir, kalau 1 ayah dan 1 ibu boleh berkongsi wang, masa dan tenaga untuk membesarkan kami 8 beradik sehingga kesemua kami mampu juga orang yang tak suasah hidupnya, mengapa pula kami 8 beradik tidak boleh share harga tiket kapalterbang, hotel, dll untuk seorang ibu, semasa beliau masih hidup. Tak ada gunanya buat batu nesan dan pusara berbelas ribu ringgit bagi ibu atau bapa yang telah disemadikan. Menangis berguling-guling di tanah perkuburan tak ada maknanya kalau semasa ayah ibu masih hidup, menjengah orang tua malahan bertanya khabar pun tidak.

No komen tentang the sights and sounds of Bali kerana kalau saya cerita berjela-jela ada pula kawan-kawan yang kutuk saya, kata macam dia sorang yang pernah ke Bali walhal depa yang dah ke London, Australia, USA, tak pun heboh heboh nak tulis dalam blog. Betul tak?

Kok ada pun yang nak saya kecohkan ialah Bali seperti juga Istanbul, Turkey, Beijing, China, Santiago, Chile, Buenes Aires, Argentina dan Montevideo, Uruguay, seolah-olah bandar yang ada jiwa dan characternya yang tersendiri dan unik. Beijing dengan Great Wallnya, Buenes Aires dengan bangunan lamanya, Santiago dengan istana lamanya di tengah bandar atau Cape Town, Afrika Selatan, dengan natural attractionsnya yang tersendiri seperti Seal Island di Houts Bay atau penguins di Boulder Rocks untuk menjadikannya sebuah destinasi pelancungan yang unik.

Kita mungkin ada Fort Cornwallis di Penang, Kota Melawati di Selangor atau A’ Famosa di Malaysia. Malangnya cara kesan-kesan peninggalan sejarah tersebut ditonjolkan atau tidak ditonjolkan sebagai satu objek pelancongan oleh Tourism Malaysia, tidak menimbulkan sebarang rasa kekaguman atau “awe” seorang pelawat terhadap negara ini. Semasa melawat Aya Sofea di Istanbul, at least semasa melalui lorong-lorong istana lama tersebut, saya boleh bayangkan kehebatan bangsa Turkey satu masa dahulu. Melawat KLCC atau Putra Jaya yang lazimnya dijajakan kepada pelancong-pelancong asing, saya hanya nampak ada “artificiality” and “shallowness” of it all in Malaysia sepertimana lompong dan kosongnya kata-kata dan janji pemimpin-pemimpin negara kita.

Dalam ucaptamanya di World Islamic Economic Forum yang ke 7 di Kazakhstan, PM Najib kita berkata, “Openess, honesty and transparency are vital if the people are to have faith that their government is working for them and not for itself”. Najib menyambung lagi, “it would also show that leaders and politicians were striving to lift the whole economy and not to line their owns pockets. Good governance should come naturally to muslim nations as it had been their nature for more than 1500 years”. Bertambah hebat lagi apabila Najib memetik Khalifah Ali Abi Talib yang menasihati gabenor Mesir Maalik As Ashtar bahawa “his administration would only succeed if he governs with concern for justice, equality, probity and the prosperity of all” including women. Akhir sekali, Najib anak Tun Razak ini nampaknya tahu bahawa, “good governance was easier said than done in a world that has been characterised by factors such as political influence, unequal competition and opportunities, strong family ties, unlimited greed, inadequate rules and regulations and poor enforcement.” Syabas Najib, well said.

Sebagai orang No.1 di Malaysia yang ada kuasa untuk melaksana apa yang dikata, apa yang Najib kata di Kazakhstan, memang betul. Soalan cepu emasnya ialah, “Adakah apa yang disebut oleh Najib itu diamalkan di Malaysia? Anda lebih tahu jawapannya. Itu yang saya katakan di atas tadi, “sepertimana lompong dan kosongnya kata-kata dan janji pemimpin-pemimpin negara kita”.

On a side note, 2000 orang delegates daripada 50 buah negara menghadiri forum tersebut atau secara puratanya 40 perwakilan setiap satu negara. Malaysia menghantar 250 orang perwakilan atau 6 kali lipat jumlah purata. Perlukah banyak itu yang hadir. Apa yang nak diforumkan oleh seramai 250 orang malaysia tu atau mereka ke Kazakhstan untuk habiskan duit rakyat dan makan angin sahaja kerana bukan duit mak bapak dia orang. Untuk difikirkan bersama, dik!

Jumpa lagi dari Uncle B, yang ingin bertanya. Jika anunya lelaki dikatakan setan dan anunya wanita dibilang syorga, mengapa setan seenaknya masuk dan keluar syurga?

Byeee!!!!

Thursday 2 June 2011

PUBLIC OR PRIVATE

Since joining the private sector on retirement from the police force early this year, a lot of my friends has asked. How’s life in the private sector? Let me put my answer in writing for posterity. By the way, I am not in the Board of any public listed companies as I retired a superintendent of police and not a director of some police department carrying the rank of Commissioner of Police, like a squad mate of mine. What do I do in the private sector then? What else does a retired middle ranked police or army officer do, if not in the security line, even though I hold an advanced diploma in administrative management from the Institute of Administrative Management, UK.

Long ago I was told that the private sector may pay you more but they also squeezed a lot more out of you. Yes and no. In government service, i.e the police force that I know of, the slackers but kaki bodek seems to have an easy life and goes up the rank every year while those who can do the work but has poor “public relation” skills, does the donkey work and get squeezed tighter and tighter to make the department looks good. So what’s the big deal about being squeezed in the private sector for your bowl of rice. At least, in the private sector, they shoot you while giving you a smile and not a frown. And you also die happy, knowing that slackers like those in PDRM will have a difficult time because there is no macai in the private sector to do what your job description asked you to do.

Any difference between working in the private and the public sector? Same same I guess, as bosses will be bosses irregardless of race, religion or whatever country they come from. They are there to boss you around. Subordinates too are similar in both private and public sector. There will always be some, whose existence in the organisation is to irritate and make your life miserable. So too are collegues. There good ones who thinks of nothing in making you feel at home and there are lousy ones. If there is any difference, it is the lack of or very little bureaucracy in the private sector. Whether they perah you, bosses you around or makes you hot all around, there is one thing good about working in the private sector. They pay you more.

There is however, something that I miss, working in the corporate world. I may be wrong but in the corporate world, it is all about the bottom line. Whatever you do in your official capacity, you are contributing to the final figures in the annual income statement. No such thing as service to the rakyat in the actual honest sense. Even the Corporate Social Responsibility programs looks at how much tax rebate can be derived from such programs.

If you want to be of service to the down and trodden, then public service is for you. The pay may be peanuts but no words can describe the sense of satisfaction that you have, in being able to locate a missing husband or forcing a car to stop and ferry an accident victim to hospital, by using the powers vested in you as a public servant (police officer). I had the opportunity to experience both.

Unfortunately, for the majority in the public sector, the police included, the powers that they have as a government servant is not to make life pleasant and easy for the rakyat but to make money for themselves.

On a final note. I remember a friend telling me once. You pay peanuts, you get monkeys. That is why the private sector pays good because they don’t want monkeys running a business organisation except for GLCs (malaysian ones that is) where the pay may be good especially for the top guns but you still have monkeys running GLCs. Me? Thanks to Allah, I have graduated from being a monkey eating peanuts to a homo sapein

Bye!!!.