Wednesday, 24 July 2013


The English has a saying. If life throws you a lemon, make lemonade. In other words, make good of a bad situation. The Star, 23 July 2013, page 3, highlights the story of a 50 year old man from Ampang, who sets himself on fire after finding out that his wife is having a lesbian affair. What would I do in such a situation? I’d just walk away and look for a new wife. As a closed friend once advised me, “Don’t die because of a woman”. As one who had his fiancee cheats on him, was divorced once and lost on love, countless number of times, I certaintly would like to think that I know myself enough, to know what I will do in a similar situation as Mr.Lim, the gentleman who sets himself ablaze.

At the risk of sounding cruel, if you are to put into practice the English idiom above, I guess what Mr.Lim should do is to do a menage-de-trois. Let the mrs continue but you joined it. The fact the the couple has 3 kids indicates that the wife is an AC/DC and don’t be surprised if the wife’s female lover is also a married AC/DC. In that way, you have the best of both worlds. Married but having an affair with the wife’s approval. Kinky stuff  huh!!! Anyway my heartfelt kesian to Mr.Lim. He must be a nice guy otherwise he would have kick the wife out of the matrimonial home.

The next comment is not kinky stuff. It’s bullshit stuff. On page 4 of the Star, 23/7/2013, it was reported that the home minister announced that the malaysian authorities will conduct a nation wide hunt for illegal immigrants covering the plantation, construction, service and manufacturing industries after the hari raya season. Those harbouring (read employers) illegal immigrants won’t be spared either. But since I am a malaysian and has been witnessing the governance of  malaysia for 2/3 of my life, there’s only 1 thing that can be said about this proclaimation of action against illegal immigrants. BULLSHIT!!!!!

A few years back we had the same Home Ministry launching a 6P program that cost taxpayers millions of ringgit to manage the PATI problem. We even bought biometric equipments to prevent deported PATIs from reentering the country using different names. What happens?

I leave it to fellow malaysians to make whatever you can out of the two stories above. I have abstained from making a lengthy comments as I am tired of being accused of being anti establishment, tak tahu berterima-kasih punya orang or asked to go back to Singapore. So, it’s your call. What do you make of the stories above especially the big joke about flushing out illegal immigrants.

Until we meet again, love from Uncle B who knows that you can’t make a silk purse of a sow’s ears.

Watchaa!!! and bye.

Tuesday, 16 July 2013


Blogger Syahredzan Johan dalam blognya Loyar Buruk bertanya, “Are Malay-Muslims entitled to better rights than others?.  Adakah melayu-islam berhak mempunyai hak asasi yang lebih dari yang lain? Saya yakin, dari yang lain, yang dimaksudkan oleh Syahredzan ialah orang bukan melayu i.e. orang Cina, India atau lain-lain bangsa, tapi bukan muslim. Saya perlu tekankan muslim atau bukan muslimnya kerana jika berfikir atas dasar bangsa, lain aliran fikiran kita. Sebaliknya jika berfikir sebagai seorang muslim kita akan ketepikan bangsa. 
Jawapan kepada soalan peguam muda ini, paling mudah. No, muslims of whatever race they may be, are not entitled to better rights than others but the muslims of whatever race they may be, are certaintly entitled to respect and decorum from others of whatever race or religion, they maybe.
In May 2005, I stayed for 2 nights with my family at my ex schoolmate house in Singapore when I was invited for our classmates reunion dinner. The dinner was held at a Chinese Muslim restaurant. Why?, because I am the only malay-muslim in the group and these Singaporean chinese friends of mine, respects my religious sensitivities unlike some malaysian chinese.
Throughout my 2 days stay there, Kua Si Lin, ensured that my family are served breakfast, tea, lunch and dinner. Yes, my friend is a Chinese, a non muslim and of course, a Singaporean. What differentiates Kua Si Lin from some of the non malays and non muslims in this country, is that he has good manners, decorum and knows the importance of mutual respect for each other in a multi racial society. Kua Si Lin takes great pain to inform me that the food served is brought from a muslim shop and apologises for serving it in paper plates and cups because he wants to make sure that everything is kosher and not to offend my sensitivities as a muslim. Thanks Kua, you a great friend.
I visits my chinese friends during the Chinese New Year. Respecting their beliefs and culture, I avoided wearing anything in black, even double checking my underwear and socks to make sure those are not in black. Who knows if one of these days an amoi takes a fancy to me.  
On many occasions, I have had meals with my indian friends at restaurants that serves both beef and lamb dishes. Eventhough I love steaks, in deference to my indian friends who’s with me at the same table, I ordered lamb chop instead. Why did I do that? Because I do not want to offend the religious sensitivities of my Hindu friends. And most probably because, like Kua Si Lin, our parents brought us up in the right and proper way. Not like some kurang ajar young malaysian persons nowadays.
The many so called unreasonable demands/actions/rights practiced by the malay-muslims in this country, as raised by this young malay lawyer in his blog posting,  insinuates that the malay-muslim are demanding unreasonable rights just because they are malay-muslims.

This is not about the issue of race or religion or even of demanding special rights by the malay-muslims of this country. Sebenarnya ini bukan isu orang melayu-muslim mempunyai hak asasi yang yang lebih atau kurang dari kaum lain. Ini bukan masalah bangsa atau ugama. It all boils down to whether you’re born or raised up to be a kurang ajar person or otherwise.

Sikap kurang ajar tidak mengenal bangsa atau agama. Ia merentas batasan kelas, taraf pendidikan atau status sosial. Saya pernah ketemu kuli yang tinggi budi bahasa bersopan santun, juga insan upper class yang buruk laku dan bahasa. Kurang ajar traits transcends race or religion. It cuts across social class, educational level or status.
Therefore the issue here is not about the malay-muslims being offended when a non muslim eats and drinks in front of a fasting muslim. It’s about the other party in the equation. It’s about Alvin and his bedmate FB posting, showing them eating bak kut teh with a Ramadhan (Fasting) greeting in the background. It’s all about Alvin and those like him being brought up as a kurang ajar Chinaman. Enough said.
As a parting shot. I am not at all surprised that this is happening in Malaysia. From the way malaysians drive, they manner they crowd around when buying tickets, the manner they piled up the food and left it uneaten during buffets, is a clear indicator that there are more kurang ajar malaysians than there are sands at Port Dickson beaches. I guess, people like Uncle B and Kua Si Lin from Singapore is a dying breed.
Until we meet again, love from Uncle B, who always believed that you don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do to you.
Watchaa!!! and bye.

Sunday, 7 July 2013


Ada orang beritahu, Mark Zuckerberg mencipta Facebook dengan tujuan untuk berhubong kembali dengan rakan-rakan yang telah lama terpisah. Bagaimana mahu menalipon atau menulis surat bertanya khabar kalau yang ada setakat nama sahaja. Jadi terciptalah Facebook. Buka FB, kemudian cerita fasal diri sendiri, Siapa yang mengenali diri anda, akan write balik dalam FB lalu persahabatan dijalin semula. Ada juga yang bertemu jodoh dalam FB. Tidak pula pasti sama ada jodoh FB ini berpanjangan atau tidak tetapi dapatlah tidor sekatil, sebantal, segebar, walaupun untuk semalam sahaja, bahana FB. Better something than nothing kan! After all, ada orang pompuan kata, lebih baik bergelar janda muda daripada andartu.  

Uncle mempunyai akaun FB yang dibukakan oleh anak perempuan uncle pada tahun 2009. Mulanya, walaupun rabun IT, uncle godek godek juga akaun FB tersebut. Manalah tahu, ada awek lama semasa dibesarkan, belajar dan bekerja di Singapura dulu, yang masih tergila-gila kat uncle dan nak catch up on old times. Sedihnya, sampai hari ini Uncle masih menunggu. Macam menunggu SPAD selesaikan masalah pengangkutan awam yang makin hari makin cekai dan lebuhraya yang makin jam giler tetapi tetap kena bayar toll untuk kayakan kroni.

Bila baca postings yang dibuat oleh pengikut-pengikut setia FB di Malaysia, uncle perlu berfikir dua tiga kali. Nak terus jadi aktif FB user atau berhenti sahaja demi kesihatan mental uncle. Last week my daughter kutuk uncle kerana gagal appreciate usahanya untuk menjadikan uncle new world style social communication savvy. Jadi terpaksalah uncle jengah balik FB page uncle.

Tengoklah macam mana. Kalau majority users FB Malaysia masih macam yang ada hari ini, lebih baik deactivate dan tutup akaun berkenaan sahaja. Kecuali ada orang bersedia ajar uncle untuk block posting-postings meraban dan merapu yang banyak bergantayangan di FB. In other words, bila buka aje FB, uncle mahu terbaca postings yang dapat mencuit minda sahaja.

Sampai hari ini uncle masih belum dapat emphatised atau memahami jiwa kacau pengikut setia FB yang sanggup menghabiskan masa ambil gambar mee maggee dan post dalam FB, ‘This is what I have for lunch”. Lepas tu ada pula insan yang lagi ngok, komen. “Eeee! Kesiannya”. Tidak kurang juga beritahu satu dunia, dia check in di Pak Kung Hotel untuk holiday di Air Terjun Ulu Bendul atau beritahu saudara mara yang dia dah sampai level 20 dalam Angry Birds. Common guys and girls, get a life”. If you’re married get your hubby to XXXXX you or you XXXXX your wife. Otherwise get your boyfriend or girlfriend to do it with you. Kalau ye pun gila glamour, carilah cara yang berjenama sedikit untuk kenalkan diri pada dunia. 

Hingga jumpa lagi, renti-rentikanlah membuat posting koman spanar anda tu. Seperti juga uncle, you are not an important guy in this world, so nobody wants to know that you had assam to keep you awake.


Monday, 1 July 2013


Pagi tadi 1 Julai 2013, saya terpandang tajuk-tajuk berita di dua akhbar tempatan, yang jika mengikut standard saya, hanya layak jadi pengelap bontot Cina bukan MCA dan yang satu lagi, akhbar berbahasa melayu, yang hanya layak jadi pengelap kasut saya sahaja. Akhbar the STAR mengeluarkan cerita  mengenai rumah menteri, Khairy Jamaluddin, dimasuki perompak dan di Utusan Malaysia, berita mengenai 5 buah motor besar langgar lori di Johor, menyebabkan dua orang big bikers mati di tempat kejadian dan 3 cedera.

Tidak pula saya ambil pusing apa cerita penuh kedua-dua berita tadi kerana jika membaca kedua-dua akhbar tersebut, sahih saya melayu bodoh dan tak berakal, walhal saya tidak. Cuma tiada sijil aje untuk membuktikan yang saya bukan bahlol.

Mengenai bikers motor besar, tajuk akhbar tidak pula menjelaskan sama ada yang tak mati tu, cedera parah atau tidak. Kalau parah elok juga supaya semasa terlantar di hospital, boleh berfikir sedikit. Mentang-mentang awak melayu kaya, mampu beli motor besar yang harga dua kali ganda MPV Chery saya, janganlah buat jalan raya macam atuk nenek punya dan membahayakan pemandu pesara kerajaan macam saya. Ada rakan sekerja yang mencadangkan mungkin bikers-bikers tersebut tergolek dog kaku, sebab selalu kena sumpah dengan pemandu pemandu lain. Mungkin ada kebenarannya, sebab saya sendiri, setiap kali diterperanjatkan oleh bunyi engin dan lagak pemanduan bikers bermotor besar tapi otak kecil ini, akan menyumpah. “Mampos dilanggar lori hendaknya supaya tidak membahayakan pemandu pemandu lain”. Kata arwah atuk, berdosa mendoakan bencana ke atas sesama manusia. Malangnya saya insan yang lemah. Jadi apabila tertengok sahaja berita 2 bikers mati rempuh lori, hati kecil saya bersorak, “Padan Muka”.

Mengenai rumah Khairy Jamaluddin kena rompak pulak, alangkah baiknya kalau banyak lagi rumah menteri menteri diceroboh, anak menteri kena kidnap atau  bini menteri kena ragut handbag masa shopping. Lagi nikmat kalau pegawai-pegawai besar polis yang masih berkhidmat jadi mangsa jenayah jalanan. Nak lebih afdal, jika pegawai pegawai NKRA jenayah di KDN kena samun.

Bukan apa, mereka yang seperti saya sebutkan di atas, perlu diberi pengajaran. Jangan mudah keluarkan perangkaan bohong bahawa kadar jenayah dah turun dan bahaya jenayah hanya persepsi rakyat macam saya, yang tak mampu nak gajikan bodyguard. Cara yang paling baik untuk menyedarkan golongan yang suka kelentong rakyat ini, ialah dengan mereka sendiri jadi mangsa penjenayah. Kena batang hidung sendiri, baru tahu langit tinggi atau rendah.

Akhirnya, saya berjaya mendengar seorang menteri Barisan Nasional berkata bahawa, “Crime in Malaysia is real and not a perception”. Lebih kurang macam itu lah kata Khairi.

Hingga jumpa lagi, salam sayang dari Uncle B, yang pernah jadi part of a spin doctoring team for the authorities, satu masa dulu.