I owe this posting to Insp Zainal, who became the father of a baby girl just over a week ago. In his SMS to me informing me that he is now a father, he also requested some advice on being a daddy. Of course I am honoured when some one asked for my advice especially when my advice is usually not worth much.
I hate giving advice, because more often than not, the very person dispensing such advice never practice what he preaches. And I am one of them. Opinions, I love giving. Tons of them. Whether needed or not, I still offer opinions. Therefore this blog. An avenue for my unsolicited opinions. That said, how do I distilled my 26 years experience as a father into a concise guide on how to be a good father.
A child is not an accidental by-product of a sexual union between a man and a woman. When you choose to be married, I do hope that you do so with the intention of building a family with the woman you can love for the rest of your life and not as an excuse to legalise (in the eyes of God and the law) your desire to screw a woman. Remember this and you will never forget that you have a responsibility to provide a nurturing environment for your baby to grow up and be the person that he/she is meant to be. Be there for your child when they are growing up.
My advice for new fathers. Simple. Don’t be like me. Do not repeat the mistakes I have made when my daughter was growing up. That’s about the best adivice I can offer you, Insp Zainal.
I was waiting at the entrance to the Singgahsana Hotel, Ballroom, for last minute guest arrivals, when the MC read out the brief background of the bride and bridegroom. I did not realised it but my wife did asked me. Was I crying?. “No”, I said, “I did not, just sad that of all sudden, I realised that I have never seen my daughter growing up, has never been there for her, when it matters most”.
Providing a nurturing environment does not mean a bungalow, expensive toys, holidays overseas or expensive private education. It simply means giving more of your time and your self to your child. Giving time to your kid is not just being there. It means exploring the world with her, watching ants ferrying food and picking flowers together. Having a splashing good time with her in the kid’s pool. Becoming a father is about being a kid all over again with your child while explaining to her/him about life through a child’s eyes. I miss that with my daughter and that is what I am compensating for with my granddaughter (I guess).
I remember the time when I was only an Inspector, when I cancelled our family trip to Cameroon Highlands because there is an SB operation going on. Mind you, that was on a Saturday evening. I still remember the time when I scolded her for asking me to join her for a game of Monopoly, just because I was busy finishing some office work at home. There are lots of occasion where I failed to provide time and care to my daughter which I regretted to this day. How about the time when I failed to attend her Assunta prize giving ceremony for obtaining 5 A in her UPSR exams or how about the time when I can’t even see her off at the Subang International Airport when she’s flying off to Australia for the International Marching Band Competition. And all because of what? Because of my loyalty to the police force. As new father, don’t repeat my mistakes. Today, there are 100,000 policeman to look after the country but only one father, you, to look after your daughter.
Saya lebih dari faham bahawa tanpa memperkulikan diri kepada PDRM, apa nak bagi anak bini makan. Tapi biarlah berlaku adil kepada diri sendiri dan keluarga. Kita ada 24 jam sehari. Doktor kata kita perlu 8 jam sehari untuk tidur atau masa untuk rehat dan repair minda dan fisikal yang teruk kena belasah semasa kerja. Kita disyaratkan bekerja 8 jam sehari untuk cari rezeki bagi membina satu kehidupan bersama anak isteri. Tak bolehkah baki 8 jam dari 24 jam yang kita ada dalam sehari itu, diberikan untuk diri kita sendiri dan keluarga. Itu yang aku tak faham dengan PDRM. 8 jam untuk kerja, 8 jam untuk tidor/repair jasmani & rohani, 8 jam untuk diri sendiri & keluarga. Is that too much too ask.
Saya yakin telah memberi yang terbaik kepada PDRM, tetapi apa hasilnya setelah 32 tahun bertungkus lumus, memerah tenaga dan sedikit akal yang dianugerah Allah untuk kepentingan PDRM sehingga aku mengenepikan untuk melawat arwah abah di HUKM sehari sebelum arwah menjalani pembedahan. Pagi sebelum arwah dimasukkan ke bilik bedah pun, aku gagal menemui beliau kerana tugas. Arwah dalam keadaan koma semasa keluar bilik bedah jam 5 petang dan tidak sedarkan diri sehingga meninggal dunia pada jam 10:23 malam, 23 Disember 2003. Bermakna kerana PDRM aku telah gagal melawat ayah yang terlantar di hospital 48 jam sebelum beliau menghembuskan nafas terakhir. Dan apa hadiah PDRM kepada aku untuk semua pengorbanan ini? Aku disejukbekukan di Maktab Cheras Kuala Lumpur gara-gara tohmahan penjenayah yang menipu RM 40 juta ringgit daripada 18 syarikat (perbicaraan kes masih lagi berjalan).
Terpulang kepada anda untuk mempercayai bahawa jika rajin dan kuat bekerja, pangkat akan mengejar anda. 32 tahun mengajar saya bahawa rajin dan bijak bekerja anda akan diperkuda tapi jika rajin dan bijak bekerja campor sentiasa jadi yes man dan PR baik, InsyaAllah, paling hamlau, pun 18 bulan sekali anda akan di naikkan pangkat.
Apa kena mengena semua ini dengan peranan anda sebagai seorang bapa baru?. Mudah, at the end of the day, when you are no more in police uniform (pencenlah tu), the police force is not going to look after you, they are not going to tabek you or attend your Hari Raya open house anymore. Habis manis sepah dibuang Yob, macam kawan aku, ACP Sahar, Cuma aku 5 orang saje, yang atas dasar persahabatan melawat beliau semasa anaknya meninggal dunia lebih kurang seminggu lalu.
Tapi, InsyaAllah, anak-anak yang anda besarkan dengan penuh kasih sayang, merekalah yang akan menjaga anda apabila anda dah nyanyuk dan berbalik menjadi budak kecil semula. Tapi entahlah budak-budak hari ini. Boleh harap ke? Tapi kalau mereka masih sudi menjengah anda, semasa anda sedang cabut rumput di rumah orang tua, tu dah kira oklah. Betul tak? Time tu, tak ada sekor pun mata-mata yang sudi melawat anda selepas anda menjadi pesara polis.
Nasihat paling penting saya untuk menjadi seorang abah yang cemerlang? Jadilah seorang ayah, bukan jadi lelaki yang membekalkan sperma kepada ova seorang wanita semasa masing-masing sedang bergelora nafsu memadu asmara.
P/S - Petua paling penting untuk menjadi seorang ayah yang baik ialah.. jeng! jeng! jeng!, Jangan simpan mata air (kekasihlah, ngok!), tambah bini atau cari bini baru kecuali keempat-empat isteri anda boleh duduk serumah dan sekatil macam adik-beradik dan contribute duit gaji masing-masing untuk sara keluarga anda yang BESAR itu. Kalau dapat macam ni, gerenti KPN sekali pun yang arah anda tugas pilihanraya, pasti anda akan kata NO.
Hingga Uncle B membebel lagi, jangan berangan nak dapat senario di atas. Tak kena sunat dengan isteri senior pun dah kira bagus. Byeeeee.
I hate giving advice, because more often than not, the very person dispensing such advice never practice what he preaches. And I am one of them. Opinions, I love giving. Tons of them. Whether needed or not, I still offer opinions. Therefore this blog. An avenue for my unsolicited opinions. That said, how do I distilled my 26 years experience as a father into a concise guide on how to be a good father.
A child is not an accidental by-product of a sexual union between a man and a woman. When you choose to be married, I do hope that you do so with the intention of building a family with the woman you can love for the rest of your life and not as an excuse to legalise (in the eyes of God and the law) your desire to screw a woman. Remember this and you will never forget that you have a responsibility to provide a nurturing environment for your baby to grow up and be the person that he/she is meant to be. Be there for your child when they are growing up.
My advice for new fathers. Simple. Don’t be like me. Do not repeat the mistakes I have made when my daughter was growing up. That’s about the best adivice I can offer you, Insp Zainal.
I was waiting at the entrance to the Singgahsana Hotel, Ballroom, for last minute guest arrivals, when the MC read out the brief background of the bride and bridegroom. I did not realised it but my wife did asked me. Was I crying?. “No”, I said, “I did not, just sad that of all sudden, I realised that I have never seen my daughter growing up, has never been there for her, when it matters most”.
Providing a nurturing environment does not mean a bungalow, expensive toys, holidays overseas or expensive private education. It simply means giving more of your time and your self to your child. Giving time to your kid is not just being there. It means exploring the world with her, watching ants ferrying food and picking flowers together. Having a splashing good time with her in the kid’s pool. Becoming a father is about being a kid all over again with your child while explaining to her/him about life through a child’s eyes. I miss that with my daughter and that is what I am compensating for with my granddaughter (I guess).
I remember the time when I was only an Inspector, when I cancelled our family trip to Cameroon Highlands because there is an SB operation going on. Mind you, that was on a Saturday evening. I still remember the time when I scolded her for asking me to join her for a game of Monopoly, just because I was busy finishing some office work at home. There are lots of occasion where I failed to provide time and care to my daughter which I regretted to this day. How about the time when I failed to attend her Assunta prize giving ceremony for obtaining 5 A in her UPSR exams or how about the time when I can’t even see her off at the Subang International Airport when she’s flying off to Australia for the International Marching Band Competition. And all because of what? Because of my loyalty to the police force. As new father, don’t repeat my mistakes. Today, there are 100,000 policeman to look after the country but only one father, you, to look after your daughter.
Saya lebih dari faham bahawa tanpa memperkulikan diri kepada PDRM, apa nak bagi anak bini makan. Tapi biarlah berlaku adil kepada diri sendiri dan keluarga. Kita ada 24 jam sehari. Doktor kata kita perlu 8 jam sehari untuk tidur atau masa untuk rehat dan repair minda dan fisikal yang teruk kena belasah semasa kerja. Kita disyaratkan bekerja 8 jam sehari untuk cari rezeki bagi membina satu kehidupan bersama anak isteri. Tak bolehkah baki 8 jam dari 24 jam yang kita ada dalam sehari itu, diberikan untuk diri kita sendiri dan keluarga. Itu yang aku tak faham dengan PDRM. 8 jam untuk kerja, 8 jam untuk tidor/repair jasmani & rohani, 8 jam untuk diri sendiri & keluarga. Is that too much too ask.
Saya yakin telah memberi yang terbaik kepada PDRM, tetapi apa hasilnya setelah 32 tahun bertungkus lumus, memerah tenaga dan sedikit akal yang dianugerah Allah untuk kepentingan PDRM sehingga aku mengenepikan untuk melawat arwah abah di HUKM sehari sebelum arwah menjalani pembedahan. Pagi sebelum arwah dimasukkan ke bilik bedah pun, aku gagal menemui beliau kerana tugas. Arwah dalam keadaan koma semasa keluar bilik bedah jam 5 petang dan tidak sedarkan diri sehingga meninggal dunia pada jam 10:23 malam, 23 Disember 2003. Bermakna kerana PDRM aku telah gagal melawat ayah yang terlantar di hospital 48 jam sebelum beliau menghembuskan nafas terakhir. Dan apa hadiah PDRM kepada aku untuk semua pengorbanan ini? Aku disejukbekukan di Maktab Cheras Kuala Lumpur gara-gara tohmahan penjenayah yang menipu RM 40 juta ringgit daripada 18 syarikat (perbicaraan kes masih lagi berjalan).
Terpulang kepada anda untuk mempercayai bahawa jika rajin dan kuat bekerja, pangkat akan mengejar anda. 32 tahun mengajar saya bahawa rajin dan bijak bekerja anda akan diperkuda tapi jika rajin dan bijak bekerja campor sentiasa jadi yes man dan PR baik, InsyaAllah, paling hamlau, pun 18 bulan sekali anda akan di naikkan pangkat.
Apa kena mengena semua ini dengan peranan anda sebagai seorang bapa baru?. Mudah, at the end of the day, when you are no more in police uniform (pencenlah tu), the police force is not going to look after you, they are not going to tabek you or attend your Hari Raya open house anymore. Habis manis sepah dibuang Yob, macam kawan aku, ACP Sahar, Cuma aku 5 orang saje, yang atas dasar persahabatan melawat beliau semasa anaknya meninggal dunia lebih kurang seminggu lalu.
Tapi, InsyaAllah, anak-anak yang anda besarkan dengan penuh kasih sayang, merekalah yang akan menjaga anda apabila anda dah nyanyuk dan berbalik menjadi budak kecil semula. Tapi entahlah budak-budak hari ini. Boleh harap ke? Tapi kalau mereka masih sudi menjengah anda, semasa anda sedang cabut rumput di rumah orang tua, tu dah kira oklah. Betul tak? Time tu, tak ada sekor pun mata-mata yang sudi melawat anda selepas anda menjadi pesara polis.
Nasihat paling penting saya untuk menjadi seorang abah yang cemerlang? Jadilah seorang ayah, bukan jadi lelaki yang membekalkan sperma kepada ova seorang wanita semasa masing-masing sedang bergelora nafsu memadu asmara.
P/S - Petua paling penting untuk menjadi seorang ayah yang baik ialah.. jeng! jeng! jeng!, Jangan simpan mata air (kekasihlah, ngok!), tambah bini atau cari bini baru kecuali keempat-empat isteri anda boleh duduk serumah dan sekatil macam adik-beradik dan contribute duit gaji masing-masing untuk sara keluarga anda yang BESAR itu. Kalau dapat macam ni, gerenti KPN sekali pun yang arah anda tugas pilihanraya, pasti anda akan kata NO.
Hingga Uncle B membebel lagi, jangan berangan nak dapat senario di atas. Tak kena sunat dengan isteri senior pun dah kira bagus. Byeeeee.
3 comments:
Betul cakapn tuan.... Pegawai polis ni hanya dipandang apabila masih berada dalam pasukan. Tak kira la sahabat, kawan ataupun orang-orang yang ada kepentingan terhadap kita....(orang kata ada 'udang disebalik mee'. Contoh terdekat yang boleh saya berkongsi pengalaman adalah ayah saya sendiri... Semasa masih dalam pasukan macam-macam yang orang nak bagi kat ayah saya, tapi ayah saya tolak.... Tapi bila dah pencen ni, satu habuk pun tak de.... Nak bertanya khabar lagi la.... jauh panggang dari api.... Kalau tuan nak tau, itulah manusia hari ini... Yang hanya akan rapat dan mengambil berat tentang kita apabila mereka mempunyai kepentingan terhadap kita....
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