What’s the worst thing about being a policeman in Malaysia? The answer to that question can be found in the backlanes of belakang mati in Chow Kit Road.
Friends tell me that you can find cheap sex there. You can have the pleasure of a woman for less than RM 50. But don’t expect her to be a willing and fulfilling partner. Consider yourself lucky if she isn’t eating kuaci and reading the comics while you’re huffing and puffing away. A few, no kissing, no fondling, no caressing, moments later, you are on your way into the real world, your load fully expended.
I do not blame these women. They are a disillussioned lot. Disillusioned by a cruel world, most likely by men whom they have once love and look up to, for care and affection, to be discarded later when they have overstayed their sexual usefulness. They are there in belakang mati to earn a living, for their 3 meals a day, shelter and clothes to cover their bodies.
On the opposite end, I was told that there are such things as professional sexual service providers or call girls. These are part-timers, holds steady jobs, beautiful, attractive and well articulated and who won’t be out of place in any decent social gathering. With them, you can fulfilled any of your sexual fantasies, complete with all the bells and whistles. This is definitely not the “wham bang thank you mame” type of paid sexual partner. No cheap hotels for them to spread their legs. You’ll have to book a room in at least a 4 star hotel for the simulated moans and sighs.
With this sort of women, you don’t just screw them, you dine them, romanced them and then you **** them. There’s a catch though. They’re expensive. If you have to ask “berapa ringgit”, you can’t afford them.
So what’s the connection, you may ask, between being a policeman and a prostitute.
You don’t get a professional f*** by paying RM 30.
That’s why members of the Republic Of Singapore Police are paid 20% higher than a government servant with the same entry qualifications and a constable with the Hong Kong Police are paid the equivalent of RM 7,000 a month. By the way, you only need Hong Kong’s equivalent of the SPM to join the Hong Kong Police.
Heck! even a hospital attendant in Malaysia gets a critical allowance of 15% of their basic pay while a malaysia police superintendant gets a long hours (same as critical) allowance of 3.33% of his basic pay. And joe public expects the mata-mata to smile while they (policemen) are paid pittance to work at least 12 hours a day.
YOU PAY PEANUTS, YOU GET MONKEYS. So now you know, why senior police officers attending mess nights wear monkey jackets. We, police officers are monkeys because the government pays us peanuts.
Who, me? I am a baboon.
TIPS I GAVE TO CAPT FIRAZ OF THE JORDANIAN POLICE WHEN WE’RE TOGETHER IN THE UN PEACE KEEPING MISSION IN ANGOLA, AFRICA.
If you’re a womaniser, remember the 5F principles of dealing with women to prevent yourself from getting into trouble and complications.
FIND THEM - takkan nak suruh perempuan cari kita
FEED TIME - mesti candlelight night for two di hotel 5 bintang/ to get them
into the mood
FONDLE THEM - wooit! takkan nak terus tonyoh, kasar beb, tak gentleman
F*** THEM - kalau lepas tu, tak tahu apa nak buat, lebih baik jadi padri
FUCK OFF - kalau dah dapat, apa yang tunggu lagi, belahlah beb!